The Wrong One for You How to spot the loser in a crowd full of possibility
Whether you're looking for someone to spend the rest of your life with or just the next few hours, picking
out the right person to waste your breath trying to get to know is half the battle. Gay/straight, black/white,
male/female - labels and preferences fly out the window when it comes to the basics of dating, which begs the
question: How do you avoid a loser?
There's no simple, sure fire rule of thumb to avoiding that one rotten apple in the bunch, but there are certain
tell tale signs you can look out for when scoping out a hottie. No need to take notes, but commit some of these
scenarios to memory. We've all seen them, and the next time you're in a similar situation, maybe you'll understand
why that amazing looking creature you can't take your eyes off of is so not right for you.
Avoid anyone who is constantly the center of attention
This is for guys and girls, gay and straight. If the person you're in lust with is getting eyes from every eligible
person in the club, move on. A little friendly competition is welcome, but no one needs to reenact the first 20 minutes
of Saving Private Ryan.
You know when someone is the center of attention. They usually have a group of slightly less attractive, enamored
friends following them around. Drinks are free, cover charges are complimentary and, when a conversation does ensue,
you know who is typically the subject.
That isn't to say that extremely attractive people aren't capable of love. But it's the ones who know how attractive
they are that typically won't ever love you as much as you love them. Save yourself an evening of torment and admire,
hell even ogle a bit, and move on.
Avoid anyone who has just been broken up with
Typically, people on the rebound are looking for great sex. If you just happen to be in the market for a quick roll
in the hay, it would seem like the perfect set up, right? Oh, so wrong.
You see, whether or not you're looking for a relationship, people who have just had their hearts broken have no clue
what they want - they crave love. They may think they need to get laid, but come morning, if you aren't there to cuddle
with and talk through their problems (knock it off, men, you do this too), you're in for a melodramatic meltdown.
And God forbid you should actually pursue a relationship with this person. You can kiss your independence goodbye right
now. Wronged people are clingy, and whether they really like you or not, that's the sort of dependence no new
relationship can survive.
Avoid anyone with a revolving door of friends
It takes time to recognize this person, so pay attention. You never see him with the same friends twice. Always seems to
have a new best friend. Constantly having a fight with someone who has done them wrong. If friends are so easily replaced,
how the hell do you think they treat significant others? Be on the lookout for this type - that is if they keep you
around long enough to catch their name.
Avoid anyone who is without an opinion
OK, let's try to phrase this tactfully. You know those people who agree with whatever the last person said in a discussion
about politics, ethics. hell, the weather? Yeah, that's the one you want to avoid. And you can usually figure this out
from an initial conversation.
What do you think of this song?
How do you like the crowd tonight?
What's your favorite kind of food?
How do you feel about this artist's work?
No matter where you are, questions tell you a lot about a person. And if the person you're talking to can't form a solid
answer, move on. There will come a point in the dating process when the questions will get a lot more serious than, 'Feel
like Italian tonight?' Your relationship will become an endless guessing game with no communication - and that gets old
really fast.
Avoid people with low self-esteem
Do I look fat? Tell me you love me? I just don't get what you see in me. Typical phrases you'll hear every day for the
rest of your life if you spend it with someone who has low self-esteem. The girl who hugs the wall in a crowded room.
The guy who stares at the ground instead of you when you're talking. Classic signs of low self esteem, and you want
none of it.
Self-esteem, hence the phrase, comes from within. You can be the encouraging friend or the faithful supporter, but don't
try to be this person's one and only. When you do, the responsibility lies on you to make everything seem OK, and when it
doesn't, it's suddenly all your fault.
Oh, and yeah, avoid sleeping with these people too. God help you if the sex is mediocre - they'll be apologizing for it
ALL NIGHT LONG!
Avoid anyone who's self obsessed
On the flip side, there is such a thing as loving yourself too much. Love has its limits - only so many things can fit
at the center of one person's universe. If that spot is already filled, move on. It is far easier to find someone who
will worship the ground you walk on than to try chasing the one who's ego's never met gravity.
And finally . Avoid ANYONE who gets too personal
When you meet someone for the first time - hell, even the second or third time - conversations typically take place at
surface level. The weather, the food . moving on to interests, jokes, movies . and perhaps on to work, ambitions,
passions, goals. They do not, however, typically revolve around the endless saga of the girl who broke his heart or
the last days of her mother's life and how traumatic it was.
This may seem cold, but bear with me. There are a very few people out there who are an open book and will literally tell
their life story to anyone. Excepting for them (and they are usually fairly obvious from the get go), anyone who would
bear his soul to you on a first date has the makings of a stalker, someone who could get really attached, really quickly.
Proceed with caution here - the last thing you need is a marriage with no ring.
Most of these things you can tell within seconds of meeting a person - a few may take a little more time. But I'm serious
when I tell you to keep your eyes open for these traits. In a world where time has become a luxury, we want every chance
in the world to be happy. Why spend extra time pursuing relationships that won't get us there..
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