It's the age-old mistake you hear about people making all the time.
Girl meets boy (or girl, or maybe boy meets boy - it's 2006, any combo's possible really)! Girl and boy have amazing first date.
Girl is in love and ruins it by moving in for the kill.
You had a good date, some nice conversation - maybe he sprung for a dozen roses. Why do you suddenly need to be fantasizing
about wedding marches, calling at all hours and doodling his name in your checkbook? A good first date should lead to a better
second date which should lead to a third and so on.
Too often, the lovelorn, lovesick or desperate to fall in love kill any chance they have at a future by scaring the hell out
of their prospective someone. Haven't you ever heard the phrase, "slow and steady wins the race?" If you're looking
to get some loving and you don't care if you ever see the guy again, by all means, be aggressive. But it what you want is more,
pay attention - moving too quickly is the number one mistake people make when embarking on a new relationship.
Just because you think you're ready to slow down and move at a more-steady pace doesn't mean you're out of the woods yet.
I said it was the number one mistake people make, not the only mistake. Read on - there's plenty more where that came from.
Expecting too much too soon
This may look like an extension of moving too quickly, but it's oh so much more. Your relationship is progressing nicely.
You're into each other - maybe you've spent the night at each other's place a few times. Now what? Well, that's for you two
to figure out together, not you to figure out alone.
Things have a habit of happening when the time is right. You can't script things like the first time he says 'I love you' and
the night he decides he wants to give you his key. They tend to just happen, and that's what makes those moments special.
Pushing for something rather than letting nature take its course is a sure fire way to alienate someone, or worse . if the
pressure's on and you want to hear those three little words, how bad is it going to be when he says them just to get it over
with and realizes later he really didn't mean it?
Friends and family - wait til' the time is right
By the same token, there is a time and a place to bring the people who are important to you into a relationship.
First of all, do not, under any circumstances, do it all at once. Family reunions, holidays, birthday parties -
bad times to introduce everyone you know and love to that special someone.
How intimidating would that feel? Oh hey, I want you to meet mom, dad, grandma, my ex fiancée, cousin Jimmy and
my best friend since kindergarten. Talk about a lot of people to impress. Start small. Try having an intimate dinner
with that friend or family member you know is just going to fall in love with your guy. That will immediately take
the pressure off and make future introductions go a lot smoother.
Always be yourself
Dating is nerve-racking, and many of us convince ourselves that we aren't worthy of being in a relationship. So, we do
things - little tricks - to make ourselves seem, well, better. We stretch the truth in stories to seem smarter, act in
ways we might not ordinarily to come across as more desireable.
It's a tough act to follow, especially when it isn't really you. The potential to flub is huge, so save yourself the risk
and be yourself from the get-go. Sure, you can be the best possible version of you, but don't go changing yourself to impress
someone. If they don't like you for you, they won't like you when you slowly try to change later.
There's no room for comparison
So you're still pining and whining about the one who got away. That doesn't mean you have to compare every last potential
who comes through your door to the memory of what once was. Too often, particularly in new relationships, we're looking
for someone to measure up to a past love. Not only is it unhealthy, it's pointless, because no two relationships are alike.
The single biggest favor you can do for yourself and someone you're dating is to try and go into things with an open mind.
No comparing, no judging, and if your brain still refuses to let it go, at the very least, keep it to yourself. No one wants
to feel they have to measure up - particularly when they aren't even sure what they're measuring up to.
Mixed signals and unclear goals
So, what exactly are you looking for?
It's the most common question people ask on a first date, and it's a perfectly legitimate question.
Now for the most common answer: Oh, nothing really. I'm just looking to have fun and see what happens.
Great! If you're dead serious, by all means, use it. But if everyone really felt that way, we wouldn't have people on
dating sites like MegaMates.com and you wouldn't see people desperately trying to pin down Mr. or Mrs. Right.
Now I'm not saying your answer should be, Love, marriage, 2.5 kids and a dog. But a little honesty never hurt anyone.
Alluding to the fact that you might really like a relationship but you like to take things slow, that you'd be ready
to settle down if you met the right someone - nothing wrong there. Wouldn't you rather get it out in the open than lie
and get your heart broken later?
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