Part Two: Plan of Attack
Before you start imagining yourself armed with a rifle, moving out against the enemy (the man or woman you seek to conquer),
get a hold of yourself. When I say attack, I don't mean for a second to indicate this is war. I mean it to serve as an analogy
for what comes next.
Before you take a test in school, you study for it. Before you go in to ask for a promotion, you make a list of reasons you're
qualified. Why should a relationship be any different? Why would you bother setting up a profile on a dating Web site or logging
into a chat room if you haven't a clue what you're looking for?
I was watching The View a few days ago and one of the revolving door of women guest hosts this season told her tale of Internet
dating disaster to the girls-from the atrocious picture she uploaded to the fact that she signed up for a Jewish dating service
when she isn't even Jewish, you could tell this girl didn't have a clue what she wanted. Her only reason for logging on-a friend
met the man of her dreams in a week, something this girl had wasted 17 years of dating on. In fact, when Rosie O'Donnell asked if
the girl was specifically looking for a Jewish man, all she could say was, 'Well, not necessarily.'
Another of my friends has talked about happily ever after with the man of his dreams for as long as I've known him. He says he wants
to adopt kids, travel, go into something for the long haul. and yet the majority of his dating profiles are set up on hook-up sites
to be viewed by guys looking for a hot session in the sack.
Whether you're half-assed about the whole idea of dating or acting in ways that completely negate what you're looking for, you
obviously haven't done your preparation.
Even more important than knowing what you want. What don't you want? A really close friend of mine told me after his first date with
this guy that he was hot, he was funny, he was interesting-and he was totally wrong for him. Why? Caught up in school, not looking for
anything serious, a staunch Republican-the list went on and on and on with things I know are non-negotiable for my friend. So why did he
sink three months into dating this guy only to call me and say things weren't working out? He knew the guy was wrong for him, and yet he
pursued the relationship anyway. In that moment we made a pact-I'd do a better job of speaking up if he did a better job of trusting his
judgment. It's the most common mistake people make in relationships-settling because it just seems easier. In the long run, it's ten
times tougher.
The best way to figure out what you want and what you don't want is to making a list. It seems like old advice you've heard time and
time again, but there's a reason people keep passing it on. it works. Seeing these two lists side by side will give you a clearer picture
of the type of people you should be keeping your eyes peeled for-and the type of people you shouldn't waste your time with.
Once you have a picture in your head of what you're looking for, ask yourself this: Where is your time best spent? You're reading this
article on a dating Web site, so obviously you're open to the idea of online dating. The fact is thousands of people have found love online,
and as people become increasingly busy with work, hobbies, extended family and life in general, narrowing your search for that special someone
by putting an ad online sure beats spending hour after hour at single's events, bars and clubs trying to make conversation over the thump of
loud music.
But narrowing it down to online isn't necessarily where this ends. You have to find the right Web site-in the case of dating Web sites that
offer just about everything under the sun, you have to make sure you're listed in the right category with the right key words pointing people
to your profile. I don't care how hot the guy you keep stumbling upon in your searches looks in those board shorts on his vacation to
Kauai-'fun for now' does not scream a long and happy life together. Admit it-you never made it past his abs to read the profile.
Most Websites have a search feature that lets you narrow down what you're looking for-use it. It's so much easier combing through 75
profiles to find a half dozen or so you want to email than pouring through 750 profiles, 80% of which are completely wrong for you. That
said, when you get an email from someone who didn't pop up in your search, don't automatically disregard them-consider that maybe your
search was too specific and this one may be the gem you overlooked.
At this point, some of you might be wondering why we haven't stopped to create your profile yet. that's step three. Since the world
of online dating may be new to some of you (or something you're giving another go if you didn't like the results the first time), I
think it's smarter to take a look at what's out there and see how other people are approaching the world of dating online before you
jump in head first.
Find a few profiles you like, whether they belong to someone you might be interested in dating or someone who puts themselves out there
in a way you admire. What do you like about the profile? Are there things they do well that you might incorporate into your profile?
Without mimicking, take note-there's nothing wrong with taking a few pointers from people who seem to do things well. Besides, what's
better than having your eye on a few people before you even create a profile?
You don't need to research these things to death, but getting a good feel for what's out there will make creating your profile that
much easier-and you wont sweat what to say and how to say it as much.
Find a few profiles you like, whether they belong to someone you might be interested in dating or someone who puts themselves out
there in a way you admire. What do you like about the profile? Are there things they do well that you might incorporate into your profile?
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