Part Four:
Reading Other Profiles/Body Language
It's the question I hear time and time again: "I set up my profile-now what?"
I think a lot of the time, people set up a profile and wait-they check their emails every so often, sometimes they browse,
but they never really reach out to anyone. I guess they assume, 'If I build it, they will come.'
Wrong! If the whole goal of putting yourself out there is to meet new and interesting people, why would you do all the leg
work just to sit back and let nothing happen? If you're going to take the time to look through some profiles, who not reach
out to them?
"Because I'm scared." I hear it time and time again.
And I always offer the same answer.
"Of what?"
There is no medium more safe than the Internet. If you think someone's hot and you drop them a note and they don't write back,
you've lost nothing, and better still, no one has to know about it but you. Do you think the person on the other end is going
to go posting bulletins telling everyone on the site that you attempted to contact them and they shut you down? Who do you
really think would come out looking like the jack ass in that situation?
Put your fears aside and start typing people. And I do mean typing.
What to say, you might ask. Well I'm glad you did, because here's where the fun begins.
I will never forget the guy who started his email to me with a quote from my favorite movie, The Hand that Rocks the Cradle
(don't judge me; it holds a special place in my heart). He could have said hi, he could have said I was cute, he could have said
a number of things that would have been fine but unmemorable. Instead he said, "She's in the greenhouse, but please don't
go out." Immediately, I had to write him back. We hung out a few times and nothing romantic came of it, but to this day we're
good friends and that was 5 years ago.
The point is, I could tell he had really paid attention to my profile and didn't just email me because he liked my smile. So that's
the first step-pay attention and have something to say.
This is a tough one for people to grasp, so I picked three profiles at random from the Mega Mates site so you can see what I'd say
to them if I were dropping an email.
Profile One: A 26-year-old gay man is looking for his life-long soul mate. His ideal mate has a funny sense of humor and loves to
travel. He's been to Europe several times and his favorite place to visit is Stockholm.
I said: I've never had more fun than I did at the Ice Hotel in Stockholm. There's nothing like getting drunk in a snowsuit. How's it
going?
Profile Two: A 29-year-old Irish girl is seeking a man whose long term relationship driven. She loves the outdoors, enjoys spontaneous
fun and loves white water rafting.
I said: I'm getting ready to take my first rafting trip later this summer. I've always wanted to do it and noticed you seem to do it
a lot. What the best place to go?
Profile Three: A 37-year-old straight guy is looking for a woman his age or older. He digs classic cinema and football and on the
weekends, he works with The American Civil Liberties Union. He's a Gemini.
I said: The ACLU stopped me on the street for a donation today. I felt bad because not too many people seemed to be giving them the
time of day. What do you do for them?
Three very different people, but I found a unique way to approach each of them. And the best part is-I didn't ask any yes or no questions.
Be sure you're reason for emailing someone isn't all about their looks (unless of course you're just looking for a hook up, in which case,
by all means). But for those of you looking for substance, take it from one who knows-I have never been more disappointed meeting someone
than I've been when I let my thinking come entirely from below the belt. Human beings are visual creatures, and many of us convince
ourselves that if we like the wrapping paper, we'll find something to like about the present first.
You don't buy a present to fit the paper, so why would you try and make something substantial out of a pretty package. Have a reason for
emailing someone.
That said, cast your net wide. Just because you send someone a message doesn't mean you have to marry the person. But sometimes, when
I log on to a site, I give myself a quota. Before logging off, I will email seven people who interest me. What that does is it causes
me to read between the lines and reach out to people who might not catch my eye initially. Some of my best dates have come from casting
a wide net and thinking outside the box.
But don't cast it too wide. Look, we devoted an entire article to thinking about what you want. Why then would you take the time to
contact people who obviously aren't on the same page. We all know how the game works to some extent. Someone who spells out in bold
print that they're just looking for no strings fun is not the right person for you to be pursuing a potentially meaningful date with.
People just don't get that specific unless they really, really mean it. Go with your gut and reach out to people who look
right for you.
And this goes for dating out in the real world too. Really, the guy you meet in a bar or the girl you strike up a conversation with in
line at the supermarket are just profiles come to life. They might not be wearing a sign telling you what their favorite movie is or how
they like to unwind on the weekends, but all of those little factoids are very much a part of them-it just takes a bit more coaxing to
get them out in the open.
Approach the world with the thought that everyone out there is really just looking to meet people and it makes things
a bit easier. Follow that up with the idea that you're worth getting to meet, and you'll be unstoppable.
Take a look at some of our pointers in the last column for breaking the ice and getting to meet people. They bear repeating. Once you've
done that, you're ready to move on to our next column in the series-Taking What You've Learned Public, a column all about how to date,
do's and don'ts for a first date and how you can tell if someone's into you.
Check back for part five in our six part dating series in July. Until then, happy chatting!
Top